Funniest Middle earth Videos
by Lolly
Summary: The title gives it all away. Please read and review!
1. FOTR Bloopers

  


Disclaimer: I own myself and that's it.

  


A/N: This is a result of watching LOTR too much and being bored in Algebra. I put this up to see if anyone likes it. Enjoy!

  


FOTR Bloopers

  


*cheesy music*

Lolly: Welcome! I'm Lolly and I'm the host of Funniest Middle-earth Videos!

Audience: *claps*

Lolly: By now everyone has seen the Fellowship of the Ring. But has everyone seen the funny bloopers of the movie? Tonight, we're going to show those bloopers to you. Roll clip!

****The Sword is STILL Sharp!****

Boromir: The shards of Narsil. *cuts finger off with shards of Narsil* AHHHHHH!!! My finger!!!

Aragorn: I told you not to play with sharp objects but nooo.

Boromir: But it was shiny!!!

Aragorn: You have a point. That sword has a reputation for cutting off fingers.

Arwen: *walks in* Am I too ear- Dear Valar, Boromir! Your finger!

Boromir: You think I don't know that?!

********

Half the audience: *claps and laughs*

Other half of audience: Ewwwwwww!

Lolly: *sickened by Boromir's finger being cut off* That was only the beginning of Boromir's accidents.

****'Dead' Man Floating****

Boromir: *in boat about to go down waterfall* *wakes up* Wait, I'm not dead! *goes down falls* AHHHHH!!!

Aragorn: At least I got his gloves...

********

Lolly: Enough about Boromir, what about everyone's favorite Elf?

****Council of Freaky Eyebrow Guy****

Boromir: And what would a mere ranger know of this matter?

Everyone: ...

Elrond: Legolas? It's your line.

Legolas: NOW I get a line! It's about time!

********

Lolly: And again our poor Elf is mistreated.

****Outside the Mines of Moria****

Frodo: What's the Elvish word for 'friend'?

Legolas: I don't know. Why don't you ask the freakin' Elf?!

Gandalf: *mutters* Touchy...

Legolas: I heard that! I'm an Elf you know!

********

Lolly: But troubles still didn't end there for our poor, limelight deprived Elf.

****Lament for Old, Dead Wizard Dude****

Legolas: A lament for Gandalf.

Merry: What do they say about him?

Legolas: NOW you need a translator! Take that Gandalf!

********

Lolly: That's all fine and dandy but I know what you're thinking: What about the Isildur's heir and his troubles?

Audience member: Actually, I was thinking when does this show end?

****Prologue Whatchamacallit****

Galadriel: The world has changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Wait, that's Aragorn. *chokes on smell* For the love of Eru, take a bath!

Aragorn: You're so heartless! *cries*

********

Lolly: Poor smelly ranger. But the insults didn't stop there.

****Into the Wild, Blue Yonder!****

Frodo: A servant of the enemy would look fairer and feel fouler.

Merry: He sure _smells_ foul enough.

Aragorn: I heard that!

********

Lolly: And the insults didn't stop there.

****On the Pretty Bridge****

Arwen: And to that I hold.

Aragorn: And...

Arwen: And what?

Aragorn: Aren't you going to give up your immortality for me?

Arwen: Hell no! Why be with you for one lifetime when I can live forever? I can have any guy I want! *thinks* Why do I even like you? You smell funny. *walks off*

********

Lolly: Still, Aragorn was insulted.

****Woods Near the Home of Radioactive Elf-Witch****

Haldir: *holds nose* Aragorn smells so bad we could have shot him in the dark.

********

Lolly: Basically, Aragorn was insulted about how he smelled through out the whole movie. I'm sick of talking. Just roll the clips!

****Walking Somewhere****

Pippin: Where are we going again?

Gandalf: Mordor.

Pippin: Are we there yet?

Gandalf: No.

Pippin: How about now?

Gandalf: No.

Pippin: Now?

Gandalf: NO!

Pippin: Okay... how about now?

********

****Pippin's Still Being Annoying Except Now on the Really Big Mountain****

Pippin: Boromir, can I go sledding down the hill with your shield?

Boromir: No.

Pippin: Please?

Boromir: No.

Pippin: Come on!

Boromir: No!

Pippin: *mutters* Stupid Boromir.

********

****In the Mines of Moria****

Frodo: There's something down there.

Gandalf: It's the fangirls. They've been stalking Legolas for three days.

********

****Still in the Mines****

Gandalf: Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo?

Frodo: You aren't serious with that question, are you? I'm just a hobbit! 

Gandalf: *sighs* 

********

****Yet Again in the Mines****

Gimli: No body tosses a dwarf. *jumps*

Legolas: *grabs his beard*

Gimli: Not the beard!

Legolas: Fine with me. *lets go*

Gimli: *falls* AHHHHHH!!!

********

****By Now the Fellowship Wonders If They'll Ever Get Out of the Mines of Moria****

Gandalf: Fly you fools. *falls*

Aragorn: He should speak for himself. You'd think being a wizard he could fly.

Boromir: Did he just call us fools?

********

****The Watcher of Moria****

Boromir: *hacking at Watcher* I am King of the Calamari!

********

****Council of Mr. Smith... I Mean Elrond****

Legolas: You have my bow.

Gimli: And my axe!

Boromir: If this indeed is the will of the council then Gondor will see it done.

Frodo: You're no going to offer me a weapon?

Boromir: I've got a giant shield?

Legolas: *mutters* Pathetic.

********

****A Hunting We Will Go!****

Aragorn: We will not abandon Merry and Pippin to torment and death. Let us hunt some fangirls!

********

****A Little Lost****

Frodo: Mordor Gandalf. Is it left or right?

Gandalf: I don't know. Maybe we should have asked for directions before we left.

********

****Death By Fruit****

Merry: I don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip. *catches apple thrown at him*

Pippin: *apple hits him in head* *passes out*

Sam: Pippin?

Pippin: ...

Frodo: I always thought food would be the end of him.

********

****On the Big Mountain Again****

Legolas: *dancing on snow* I can walk on snow and you can't! HA! I laugh in your face! Ha ha HA! HA! And another HA!

Aragorn: Are you done bragging yet?

Legolas: No. HA! Ha HA! Okay, now I'm done.

********

****Will Bilbo Ever Get That Line Right?****

Bilbo: I don't like half like you- Wait, I like more like half- I mean, I like half like you more- Almost got it...

********

****The Part Where Arwen Stole Glorfindel's Part****

Arwen: There are five wraiths behind you. Where the other four are, I do not know.

Aragorn: That's real comforting.

********

Lolly: *flipping through magazine* We're done.

Camera person: Introduce the next set of videos.

Lolly: Oh yeah... What's the next set of videos? *gets handed a card* *reads card* It makes one wonder; is Sam gay? *stops reading* Yeah, and so is whoever wrote this lame card!

****Proof?****

Sam: Here! Mister Frodo's not going anywhere with out me!

Elrond: *cough* Gay *cough*

********

****And What About Frodo?****

Frodo: *stabbed by Nazgûl* AHHHHHHHH!!!

Sam: Frodo!

Frodo: Oh, Sam!

Merry: *to Pippin* Told you they were gay.

********

****Maybe Even Aragorn?!****

Aragorn: Be at peace Son of Gondor. *kisses Boromir's head*

Boromir: *wakes up* EWEWEWEWEW! Get away from me you sick-o!

Aragorn: Aren't you suppose to be dead now?

Boromir: Oh yeah. *dies*

********

Lolly: That's all for today. Join me tomorrow as we watch clips of members of the Fellowship as children!

*cheesy music*


	2. Strange Childhood Memories

  


Disclaimer: I own myself and that's it.

  


A/N: YAY! I got some reviews! Now I am happy and will try to write a very good chapter! No guarantees. This chapter contains a lot of OOC and may be disturbing to some.

  


Strange Childhood Memories

  


Lolly: Welcome to Funniest Middle-earth Videos! I'm your host Lolly!

Audience: *claps*

Lolly: Each person in LOTR has their own past. And tonight we're going to show you the videos of some of their childhoods. While embarrassing them in front of everyone! Here are the hilarious memories of LOTR characters! Roll clip!

****Why Aragorn Never Bathes****

Elrohir: (holding camera) Is he coming?

Elladan: Yes. *gets bucket of soapy water ready*

*child Aragorn covered in mud runs through Rivendell*

Elrond: *chases after Aragorn* Come back here!

Aragorn: AHHHHH! I'm not taking a bath! *leaves trail of mud footprints* 

Elrond: You will take a bath like it or- *slips on muddy footprints* *falls* AHHHHHHH!

Aragorn: *laughing*

Elladan: *pours bucket of soapy water on Aragorn*

Aragorn: AHHHHHHH! The clean! It's so clean! *sniffs self* And it's roses! AHHHHH!

********

Lolly: As you can smell, that scarred Aragorn for life. Could it have scarred Elrond for life too?

****That's Disturbing...****

Elladan: (holding camera) Where's ada?

Elrohir: *shrugs* Let's check his room. *goes to Elrond's door and opens it* 

Elrond: *wearing one of Arwen's bright pink dresses and too much make-up* I can explain!

Elrohir: *stares in horror* Oh my...

Elladan: *drops camera because he's gone to throw up*

******** 

Lolly: Uh... That was just wrong... Moving on. What about everyone's favorite hobbit ring bearer?

****A Little Bit of What's to Come****

Bilbo: *giving child Frodo his birthday present* Here you go my lad. I think you'll like this.

Frodo: *opens present and it's a tacky plastic ring on a chain* AHHHHHHH! It's evil! *tosses ring in fireplace*

Gollum: *jumps through window* Preciousss! *jumps in fireplace* It burnsss!

Sam (child): *comes in with stack of gifts for Frodo* Mister Frodo! Run before the flaming witch gets you!

Merry & Pippin (children): *appear* We're having a witch burning!

Gollum: *on fire* Owiesss!

Gandalf: *appears* That's no witch you fool of a Took! *hits Pippin with staff*

********

Lolly: I can't even began to say how many things were wrong with that. *shudders* I can see why they wouldn't want to remember that. Let's only pray that Gimli had a nice memory that actually sticks with the book.

****Who's Who?****

Gimli (child): Dad! There you are! *goes to hug his dad*

Gimli's mom: I'm your mother!

Gimli: Huh?

Gloin: *appears* Here I am son!

Gimli: *realizes for the first time that both of his parents have beards* O.o

********

Lolly: *in shock* There's nothing left I can say about these, um, disturbing memories. Just roll clips!

****Legolas and His First Bow and Arrow Set****

Legolas (child): *aiming arrow on bow to target*

Thranduil: *near target* Go on son! Just aim and fire!

Legolas: *shoots arrow and hits Thranduil in the foot* Uh oh. *runs to his dad*

Thranduil: *curses in Elvish*

Legolas: *a bit taken back* I've never heard you say _those_ words before. How's your foot?

Thranduil: *pulls out arrow* I'm alright Legolas. Tis nothing but a flesh wound. *stares at foot and passes out*

Legolas: *sigh* I hope I didn't inherit those genes.

********

****Growing Up in Rohan****

*children Éowyn and Éomer wrestling*

Éowyn: *has Éomer in a headlock* Say uncle! Wait, um, auntie!

Éomer: Never!

Théodred: *passes by room* What in Middle-earth are you two doing?!

Éowyn: *gets away from Éomer* *pretends to cry* Éomer hit me!

Éomer: Did not! She hit me! See! *shows his uncle his new black eye*

Théodred: Nonsense Éomer. You shouldn't lie and apologize to Éowyn!

Eomer: But-

Théodred: *mean voice* Now.

Éomer: Sorry.

Théodred: Éomer, not only am I telling your parents but you shall have no dessert tonight!

Éomer: But-

Théodred: No buts! *walks away*

Éowyn: *sticks out her tongue*

Éomer: *glares* You're evil.

Éowyn: I know. *grins evilly*

********

****Boromir Needs to Learn What Sharp Means****

Boromir (child): *looks at knife* Faramir, come see this!

Faramir (child): What? *sees knife* Boromir, careful with that. It's sharp. Remember what happen with mom's cutting knife.

Boromir: *not listening* Okay. *takes knife and pretends to fight* *cuts his hand* AHHHHH!

Faramir: Dad! He did it again!

********

****Sauron Was a Child?!****

  


Sauron (small child flaming eye): Come on guys! You are my servants. You have to do what I say!

Orc #647382: But we've been playing this for days!

Sauron: Guards!

Orc #647382: *gets shot and dies*

Orcs: *all sigh*

Sauron: I spy with my only eye something black!

Orc #893457: Everything is black!

Sauron: Guards!

Orc#893457: *gets shot and dies*

********

Lolly: How can a giant eye be a child? *realizes clips have stopped* Well, thankfully that's all we have for tonight. Join me next time when we have... something funny.

*cheesy music*


	3. Evil Places & Strange People

  


Disclaimer: Don't own a thing except me!

  


A/N: Since I'll be getting the TTT extended version I've been waiting for I can't decide what I'm doing next. Please vote for next chapter!

TTT bloopers OR Rivendell during the two months before the quest

  


****_For those who read my mental health show:_ Something went terribly wrong and the story was COMPLETELY erased!!! And so were the back up files!!! I tried very hard to get it back but can't. I may or may not post the fic again. Don't blame me; blame the internet.

  


********************************************************************************

Evil Places and Strange People

  


Lolly: Welcome to Funniest Middle-earth Videos! I'm your host Lolly!

Audience: *claps*

Lolly: Tonight, we're going to show you what hilarious events went on in evil places by strange people and creatures!

Audience; *claps*

Lolly: In Isengard, Saruman had a lot of spare time. After a hard day of digging up Uruk-hai and creating an army to destroy the world of men Saruman and his minions needed some nice relaxation time. We had our undercover orc, Frank, tape it all! Roll the clip!

****Beauty Parlor****

Saruman: *ordering orcs around* I want those black marble floors so clean that when they see your reflection they crack! *goes to his room and Frank secretly following*

Saruman: *sings to self while doing his fingernails* I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay!

********

Lolly: I knew it! No one can have such perfect nails! *remembers camera* And now for some more clips!

****Orcs and Marbles****

Orc 1: *playing marbles with Orc 2*

Orc 3: Look what I found! The marble to beat all marbles! *holds up palantìr*

Orc 1 & 2: *stare in awe*

********

****Uruk-ewwww!****

Saruman: *talking to Uruk-hai* Whom do you serve?

Uruk-hai: Peter Jackson?

Saruman: No you fool of an Uruk-hai! *hits Uruk-hai upside head with staff*

Uruk-hai: Ouch! You stole Gandalf's line! Plagiarism! 

Saruman: Shut up and clean this mess! You got my mirror clean floors gooey!

********

****Dominoes?****

Saruman: *showing off his army to Wormtongue*

Random Uruk-hai: *sneezes and falls back*

*all of the army falls like dominoes*

Saruman: *sighs*

Wormtongue: Think of it this way. You've achieved the new domino record!

Saruman: *puts hands together from fingers* Excellent...

Wormtongue: *raises an eyebrow though he doesn't have any*

********

Lolly: Let's switch from Isengard for a moment and see what's 'up' with the Nazgûl!

****I Believe I Can Fall!****

Nazgûl #4: *riding dragon-like monster* Whoa! This is wicked! Maybe I should give the others a turn... nah!

Nazgûls: *watching #4 from ground* *shoot arrows at #4*

Nazgûl #4: *singing* I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky! *gets shot* AHHHHHH! *lands on ground with a splat*

Nazgûl #9: My turn! *gets shot from other Nazgûl* You know I can't die, right?

Nazgûls: Drat!

********

Lolly: Yeah, um, let's see a clip of what's going on in the land where the shadows lie!

Random audience member: Wal-mart?

Lolly: No, Mordor you nordor!

****Saturday Night Karaoke in Mordor****

Orc: And now presenting our master and the greatest evil-doer of all time, Sauron!

Crowd: *cheers because if they don't they'll get shot*

Sauron: *music starts up ("Margaritaville" by Jimmy Buffet starts to play)*

  


I'm just an eyeball

sittin' on a tower that's really tall

I ain't got a body and I'm wreathed in flame

It gets real boring

when the rain is pouring

and I wonder why I don't go out though I'm made of flame

  


Wastin' away on the tower Barad-dûr

Lookin' for my lost ring of power

some orcs claim that there's a hobbit to blame

but I think, it's Isildur's fault

  


The orcs think they're real tough

but they're like marshmallow puffs

I should roast them over my flaming eye

The Nazgûl are flying

everything's dying

In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie

  


Wastin' away on the tower Barad-dûr

Lookin' for my lost ring of power

some orcs claim that there's a hobbit to blame

but I think, it's probably my fault

Crowd: *cheers*

********

****On the Slopes of Mt. Doom Many, Many, Many Years Ago****

Isildur: *cuts off Sauron's fingers*

Sauron: AHHHHH! My fingers! *blows up and confetti falls everywhere*

Boromir's great, great, great, really great-grandfather: *runs around screaming* AHHHHH! Paper cuts!

********

Lolly: So it is genetic. Fascinating... But what happened next?

******Mt. Doom Many, Many, Many Years Ago****

Elrond: Isildur! Destroy it!

Isildur: Why do I have to listen to you? You ain't my momma!

Elrond: *glare* *pushes Isildur in the fire*

Isildur: *falls* AHHHHHHHH!

Elrond: *walks away whistling*

********

Lolly: Enough! Stop the clips! I can't take the evil insanity! *to self* Find a happy place, find a happy place... *calms down* Join me next time as we see the either the bloopers of TTT or what really happened in Rivendell during those two months! Vote for which you'd rather see!

*cheesy music*

  



	4. What Really Happened in Rivendell

  


Disclaimer: Don't own a thing except me!

  


A/N: Please excuse the last chapter. It was terrible and I apologize. This one's probably worse. I haven't been able to come up with anything funny. Sorry. ^_^;;;

  


********************************************************************************

  


What Happened in Rivendell

  


Lolly: Welcome to Funniest Middle-earth Videos! I'm your host Lolly!

Audience: *claps*

Lolly: For those who are idiots and haven't even thought of reading the books *cough* the Fellowship didn't leave Rivendell until 2 months after the Council of Mr. Smith. They left on Christmas!

Random audience member: Santa's Elves!

Lolly: *glares at random audience member* No, you nordor! That's racism!

Audience: O.o

Lolly: Anywho, we had hidden cameras around Rivendell during those 2 months. And you won't believe what we caught! Roll clip!

****Party Wit' Da Hobbits****

Frodo: *break dancing*

Other hobbits: Go shorty! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go shorty! It's your birthday! We gonna party like it's your birthday!

********

****Merry Tries His Luck****

Merry: *talking to Elf* So, what are you doing after the council? I'm hobbit which means I have big feet. If you catch my drift...

Elf: I'm a guy!

Merry: Whoops. Well you all look the same!

********

Lolly: Yeah... That is so wrong.

****Alms to the Poor****

Elrond: *checking money accounts* Glorfindel, when did we start buying $100,000 dollars worth of food? A week?!

Glorfindel: Since those four other hobbits came.

Elrond: Thank the Valar they'll be leaving soon.

Glorfindel: Milord, haven't you read the books? They leave in 2 more months.

Elrond: *in Gollum voice* Stupid fat hobbitsss. Eating all the food. They do not care if we goesss poor! Curse them! We hatesss them!

Glorfindel: O.o *slowly leaving the room*

********

****In the Hall of Fire****

Boromir: *dazed by fire* Must head towards light...

Aragorn: No Boromir! Don't go toward the light!

Boromir: But it's so pretty! I want to touch it. *touches fire* AHHHHH!!!

Aragorn: *mumbles to self* It's like taking care of a 2 year old. I am not going through this for the whole journey.

********

Lolly: *mumbles* What an idiot. Let's now see what's up with everyone's favorite Elf!

****Artificial Dumbness****

Legolas: *in bathroom dying his hair blonde* *humming "Bootylicious"*

Frodo: *accidently walks in*

Legolas: Ahhhh!

Frodo: *runs out of bathroom* *speaking in tape recorder* Day 18: Suspicions of Legolas dying his hair confirmed. Can no longer blame his dumbness on his hair color.

Legolas: *from distance* I heard that! I'm an Elf!

Frodo: *speaking into tape recorder* Note to self: speak quieter.

********

****Run, Legolas! Run!****

Boromir: *walks along* Legolas, what are you doing in that tree?

Legolas: Hiding from fangirls. They won't stop hunting me!

Boromir: I don't see any now. Come on out. I'm on my way to visit Glorfindel in the healers.

Legolas: Why is he in the healers?

Boromir: Something about Arwen stealing his horse. Come on.

Legolas: *jumps out of tree*

Fangirls: There he is! Get him!

Legolas: Not again. *runs off*

Fangirls: *chase after him*

Boromir: *mutters* Stupid Elves stealing all the fangirls. And other people's horses!

********

****It's Raining Elves!****

Sam: *puts hands on top of railing*

Elf: *walks by and trips over railing* *falls* AHHHHHHHH!!!

Sam: *shouts down* It's Peter Jackson's doing! Blame him!

********

****A Little Too Much****

Pippin (drunk): Wow! A giant mushroom! *runs over to a stools*

Merry (drunk): Where?! *passes out*

Sam (drunk): Mr. Frodo, I'd like to tell you something.

Frodo (drunk): *mistakes Sam for loaf of bread* Yes, Mr. Talking-loaf-of-bread.

Sam: I love you!

Frodo: I love you too, loaf of bread!

Pippin: *to stool* Marry me?

Stool: ........

Pippin: Why won't you answer me?!

Stool: ......

Pippin: That's how you're going to be?! After all we've been through?!

Stool: .......

Elf: *takes stool from Pippin*

Pippin: You're leaving me?! I thought what we had was special! *sobs*

Frodo: Bread loaf! *bites Sam's leg*

Sam: AHHHHH! Get it off! Get it off! Get the bug off me!

Merry: *still passed out*

Elf: I don't think hobbits can handle Elven wine. *other Elves nod*

Other Elf: Neither can Mirkwood Elves.

Legolas (drunk): *stumbles by* *singing* Yo ho, yo ho! A pirate's life for me! *passes out* 

********

Lolly: It always ends up with drunken hobbits. Anywho, let's take a look at the movie-deprived-but-still-in-the-book characters roaming Rivendell.

****Glorfindel's Revenge****

Glorfindel: *drawing on paper* This will teach that horse-stealing witch who's boss.

Legolas: *walks by* Did you say something Glorfindel?

Glorfindel: No!

Legolas: *quickly walks away* I guess not being in the movie really had some bad effects. Too bad he wasn't in the movie, he'd probably get rid of some of these fangirls.

Fangirls: Leggy! There he is!

Legolas: Why me? *runs off*

Fangirls: *chase after Legolas*

********

****I Have No Sons****

Elladan: Ada! Wait! *runs up to Elrond with Elrohir running beside him*

Elrohir: Ada, Arwen just knocked out Glorfindel and stole his horse!

Elrond: I'm sorry, you must be confused. I have no sons.

Elrohir: *in shock*

Elladan: Yes you do! Don't you remember Elladan and Elrohir?!

Elrond: *flips through script* You're not in the script.

Elrohir: But we're your sons!

Elrond: I told you, I have NO sons!

Elladan & Elrohir: AHHHHHHH!

********

Lolly: *sniff* Poor hott twins. But not all times during those two months were bad for the hottie sons of Elrond.

****Remake of Childhood Memories****

Elladan: Quick! Get the bucket! He's coming this way!

Aragorn: *walks down halls of Rivendell while whistling*

Elladan: NOW!

Elrohir: *dumps bucket of soapy water on Aragorn*

Aragorn: AHHHHHHH! Not again! I feel so clean! *sniffs self* And it's lilacs with a hint of lemon! AHHHHHHH! *runs and jumps in pile of dirt* *calms down* Dirt feel good. Dirt make Aragorn happy. *smiles*

Elrohir: I hate to think _that_ is going to be the future king of Gondor.

********

Lolly: Some things never change. Like Elrond for instance.

****Another Disturbing Memory Remade****

Aragorn: *walks into Elrond's room*

Elrond: *dressed in one of Arwen's purple dresses and a lot of make-up* Eek!

Aragorn: *gasp* *runs away* This has been the worst day of my life! First a bath and now THIS! *shudders*

********

Lolly: I'm sorry we had to see that too. But things only got worse for Aragorn later that day.

****Arwen's Purple Dress****

Arwen: *walks up to Aragorn* Aragorn, do you know what happened to my purple dress? It's all stretched out, see?

Aragorn: *remembers that was the same dress Elrond wore* *turns green*

Arwen: Aragorn?

Aragorn: *goes to throw up*

Arwen: What's his problem?

********

****Last Day in Rivendell****

Pippin: Merry Christmas everyone!

Everyone else: O.o

Elrond: *whispers to Gandalf* I don't think letting Pippin go on the journey is a good thing. He seems mentally unstable.

********

Lolly: That's it! But where's all the good stuff?! Like the Elves beating up the Dwarves!

Crew member: We lost it.

Lolly: You lost it?!

Crew member: Yeah, apparently Frodo went temporarily insane and mistook the whole stack of videos for rings and threw them in the fire.

Lolly: There goes the ratings.

Crew member: Yep.

Lolly: *sighs* Join me next time, if our show isn't cancelled by then, when we hopefully watch something funnier then this junk.

*cheesy music*


	5. We have sponsors?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Sadly...

A/N: I'm still alive! Anyhoo, I had this written MONTHS ago and forgot to post it! Whoops... Hope ya'll enjoy!

P.S. I KNOW it was Theoden, not Theodred in chapter 2! I made a little mistake! But I'm too lazy to fix it...

PPS Asterisks didn't work, so then I tried another symbol, and another, until I wound up with parenthesis. Anyone else have this problem?

We have sponsors?

Lolly: Welcome back to Funniest Middle-earth Videos! And as always I'm your host Lolly!

Audience : (silence cricket chirps)

Lolly: Anywho, tonight we're going to show just a bunch of videos!

Audience: (more cricket chirps)

Lolly: (glares) As I was saying, these are just videos that have no relation to one another. Just like cheerleading and actual sports!

Audience: (more cricket chirps) (then the sound of bug spray and the chirping stops)

Lolly: Come on people! Laugh!

Crew member: Oh, yeah. The applause light thing is broken.

Lolly: Really? I thought people who applauded and laughed actually _liked_ this show.

Crew member: Nope, it was that light thing the whole time.

Lolly: (sigh) Well my self-esteem just went down 32.8. (looks depressed)

Audience: (laughs)

Lolly: (blinks) Oh, the twisted irony. Just roll the clips!

(((((Return of the CLEAN)))))

(In Lothlorien, Legolas has a bucket of soapy water and Haldir has shampoo and both are in a tree)

Aragorn: (walking by)Merry, Pippin, I don't see a band of orcs here.

Merry: But they're right over here (stands under tree)

Aragorn: (stands beside him) Where?

Pippin: NOW!

(Legolas and Haldir drop the hygienic products on Aragorn)

Aragorn: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS, THE CLEANSES BURNS!AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. MUST ...FIND...DIRT... AHHHH! (starts rolling around in dirt pile)

(Galadriel and Celeborn walk by)

Celeborn: _That's_ going to marry our granddaughter!

Galadriel: (faints)

(END)

Lolly: History tends to repeat itself.

Crew member: You can say that again.

Lolly: History tends to repeat itself.

Crew member: You can say that again.

Lolly: History tends to repeat itself.

Crew member: You can say that again.

Lolly: (pause) Anyhoo, check out this funny clip!

(((((Legolas and His Crazy Dreams)))))

Legolas: Aragorn, can I talk to you?

Aragorn: Of course. What's wrong?

Legolas: I've been having these dreams about pirates and monkeys lately. What's worse is there is this girl who throughout my dreams tells me she loves me and insists that I love her. She's so annoying and I just have this urge to kill her. Do you think these dreams could means something?

Aragorn: I've also been having weird dreams. I'm riding through the desert on a horse. And these men are trying to kill me!

Legolas: Do you think our dreams mean something of what's to come? (thinks)

Aragorn: (thinks)

Aragorn and Legolas: Nah!

(END)

Lolly: And now for a commercial break!

Crew member: When did this show start getting commercials?

Lolly: We need sponsors or you can't get paid.

Crew member: You don't pay me anyway.

Lolly: Oh yeah... And now a word from our sponsors!

((((((COMMERCIAL)))))))

Legolas: (looking depressed)

Narrator: Feeling depressed?

Legolas: Who said that?

Narrator: Frightened and alone?

Legolas: Who are you? pauses Eru?

Narrator: Got more fangirls then Sauron has orcs?

Legolas: Yes! Can you please help me?

Narrator: Uh, no.

Legolas: Then why were you talking about all that?

Narrator: I was distracting you while those fangirls tried to attack you.

Legolas: Huh?

Fangirls: LEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGY! (charge at Legolas)

Legolas: AHHHHHHH! (runs for his life)

Narrator: Need a narrator to announce stuff? Call 1-800-NAR8R today!

(END)

(cuts to back of a smelly alley where the show is now set)

Lolly: Welcome back! Unfortunately, our only sponsor was sued by Legolas for Elf harassment and went bankrupt. In other words, we can't afford a set and such. (cough )Or anymore videos (cough)

Audience: (sniff)

Lolly: So let's watch these cheaper videos. runs behind puppet show thing

(((((Videos...?)))))

(Lolly disguising her voice with badly made sock puppets on her hands of herself and Legolas)

Sock puppet Lolly: Oh Legolas, you're so big and strong. I love you! (tries to kiss Sock Puppet Legolas)

Sock puppet Legolas: ('running away') Ahhh! Save me!

'the real' Lolly: No Sock puppet Legolas! She loves you! (tosses Sock puppet Legolas in laundry hamper)

Sock puppet Lolly: But I loved him so much!

Lolly: (pats sock puppet) Ta da!

(END)

Lolly: runs in front of camera Watch out Adam Sandler, there's sock puppets in town!

Audience: Get off the stage! (tosses shoe)

Sock puppet Lolly: Not the shoe! He was my bestest friend. Sniff.

Crew member: Good news, we now have money for a set and videos.

Lolly: How did we get money?

Crew member: From the FHFA, the Fangirls Helping Fangirls Association.

Sock puppet Lolly: We're not fangirls!

Lolly: Yeah, I'm just a sock puppet... Wait, that's not right, is it?

Sock puppet Lolly: Thank you FHFA, wherever you are.

(cut scene to insane asylum)

Fangirl #1: It's on! The Funniest Middle-earth Videos is on! Hurry up Fangirl #2 and #3.

Fangirl #2: We have names.

Fangirl#3: Why do I have to be #3?

(cuts back to set)

Lolly: Roll the clips!

(((((Mortality or a New Dress?)))))

Arwen: Daddy, please can I have the new Elf Vuitton dress! It only costs a few hundred thousand dollars! Pretty please!

Elrond: Arwen, for the final time no, no, and NO!

Arwen: Fine then. I'll go give up my immortality to be with some smelly man!

Elrond: (sighs)

(((A Little Too Festive))))))

Frodo: I'm really glad that we bought this giant pumpkin. You could fight four hobbits in there!

Sam: This will be the best Halloween ever! By the way, what is Halloween?

Merry: (shrug) Has anyone seen Pippin? I thought he was suppose to be taking the insides of the pumpkin out.

Frodo and Sam: (shrug)

(inside the pumpkin)

Pippin: Somebody? A little help! I'm stuck in the giant pumpkin! pause I guess I'll just have to eat my way through. (bits into pumpkin) Dreams really do come true!

((((((Pieces of Meat))))))

Orc 1: We ain't had nothing but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days!

Orc 2: We need some meat!

(other orcs agree)

Orc 3: (singing) Pieces, pieces, pieces of meat!

Orc 2: (singing) We want chicken or beef. We don't care, we want meat. We are not vegans.

Orc 1: (singing) Well done or rare. We want meat, cooked or not, we don't care!

Orc 3: (singing) Ooooooh I wish that I could sink my teeth into some juicy, tender meat. That's all that I want to eat! Pieces, pieces -

Uruk-hai: (stabs orc 3) Meat's back on the table boys!

(END)

Lolly: Lip syncers! Who would have thought orcs sang Ashlee Simpson parodies? Ew, Ashlee Simpson! Gag!

Ashlee Simpson fans: ATTACK! (attack Lolly)

Sock puppet Legolas (controlled by camera person): Join us next time for more of Middle-earth's funniest videos!

Sock puppet Lolly: Leggy! (chases sock puppet Legolas)

(cheesy music)

Don't expect another chapter right away. I've been working on another fic, but so far I've only got a couple paragraphs... I procrastinate... Be nice and remember to review! By-ers!


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